I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
