upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
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