WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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