I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
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