He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
