if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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