i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
