I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Randomize