When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize