I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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