Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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