went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
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