Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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