So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
