I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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