Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Randomize
