I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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