It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
