So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
