I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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