someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
This is the prime rib incident all over again
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize