last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
