one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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