Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
