I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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