in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
