I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
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