I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
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