go do what you do best...puke behind churches
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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