This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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