No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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