your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
