I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize