I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
you traded sex for a burrito?
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
