do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
