this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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