Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize