U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
