Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
