Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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