Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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