She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
