I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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