Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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