I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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