that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
