I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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