The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
