yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
