so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
