I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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