He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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