I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
