when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
