I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
