I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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