there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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