do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
