why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
