Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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