yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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