When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
