the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Randomize
