someone owes me an orgasm
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
All I want is dick and wine.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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