I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
