You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
