I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
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