i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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