I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
