Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
