Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Randomize
